Meet Belen!! c:

This is one of my greatest closes friends, her name is Belen. She is very understanding and always encourages me! I remember being in 6^th grade and going to my friends’ party (Belen’s cousin) that is where I met Belen; at first I was shy so I smiled and wave, we didn’t talk much then. Later we met again in summer of 2011 (8th grade summer) we instantly got along. Of course when school started, and we were freshmen we talked more. We had so much in common from our taste in music to humor. We’ve made so many memories since we’ve met; I wish I met her sooner! When Belen’s birthday came around her, her twin sister and I went to the movies. It meant a lot to me that they went because we celebrated her birthday together and it showed I cared. Belen has a somewhat fear of dogs; but that’s okay we all have fears, it’s normal! I remember when we went to the pools then we got out and sat in the back; we started running, taking pictures, doing things we always do. I was flopping and swinging my arms everywhere, some random dude said hi to us because it seemed like we were saying hi first. We have great laughs from our jokes to our failures. I also remember when we got in a hula-hoop together and had a blast! Haha. That’s not normal. The day of her Quinceañera she looked beyond beautiful, she liked like a princess along with her sister. I love them both equally I cannot choose! <3

Belen LOOOVES when I sing, even though I don’t think I have a good voice she makes me feel great about myself. We don’t have any classes this year, but I see her in the hallways :D

We haven’t hung out in a while. Every time we do hang out it’s like nothing’s changed. Nothing is awkward, nothing is different. She’s practically family. I love coming over and just doing nothing cause I just enjoy her presence so much. Last year we watched Twilight together, now the second part is out and I hope we see it together as well!

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All my life...

“Said I promised to never fall in love with a stranger You’re all I'm thinkin' of, I praise the Lord above For sending me your love, I cherish every hug I really love you” All My Life – K-CI & JOJO is such a perfect song. If you’ve never heard it, go hear it! This song is beautiful the lyrics are beautiful, and the video is beautiful. I remember this was the last song to play at homecoming; it was a perfect way to end a great night, especially for all the couples. Whenever I hear this song, I think my heart melts, I just love the lyrics.  

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXvMT_mVbqw

 

Reflection: The End (1984)

Humans have many weaknesses, these weaknesses are normal. Humans are humans and were developed this way. Over our lifetime we develop; greed, power, control, lust, hate, and betrayal. Our so called “perfect” government tries controlling their citizens and forcing laws upon them without having all of the citizens have a say in the decisions made.  By forcing and ruling the people of the world with censorship and brainwashing, we’ve built ourselves up to the image of “Big Brother” (George Orwell, 1984). In 1984, a novel by George Orwell, the author is attempting to convey an important message. Although readers may get a different understanding of what the message is.

            One as a human thinks they will never break or change. My understanding of the message Orwell conveys in 1984, was that not what everyone says is true; people will betray you. Also people can change you and your views on things. For example one may think “this is cool” and someone can say “this is perfect.” One’s idea and opinion may change to “that was perfect.” Throughout the novel 1984, Winston, the main character swears he will never love Big Brother and rebel against the party; although when he is taken to the ministry of love where he is tortured, he believes 2+2=5 and agrees with what O’Brien says. Winston also ends up “loving” Big Brother. This is where betrayal comes in because he promised never to love Big Brother and to rebel.

            As a reader I made a text-to-self-reflection on what Orwell conveys in 1984. When I was younger I was betrayed a couple times by so called friends. I also was in a situation like Winston, in middle school I corrected my teacher and she sent home a letter saying I was disrespectful for interrupting her teaching “skills” and that next time I did that I’d get written up. My mom had a talk with me saying “The teacher will always be right, even when she is wrong, she will be right. She’s older than you and will win the battle.” My understanding of the message Orwell conveys in 1984, was that not what everyone says is true; people will betray you. Also people can change you and your views on things. Just like my teacher was wrong, and my mom changed my views on her.

Fear (1984)

-My 3 brothers, 3 sisters, & i. (:

     Fears, everyone has them, from a baby that cries for everything to a man that’s as tough as can be. In the novel our class is currently reading; 1984, by George Orwell, the main character, Winston Smith has a fear; rats! Rats are Winston’s fear, but not just rats. Being eaten alive by rats. Also the sight of the rats horrifies him terribly. I do not blame Winston, who enjoys being eaten alive by rats.

    I love my Ohana, losing my family is my biggest fear at this point in my life. I owe it all to them for who I am and who I’ve become. All the little things we do mean the world to me. They might not know how much I love them, I don’t show it every day. But they are a big part in my life. My family means the world to me; they encourage me and support me 100%. “"Ohana" means "family." "Family" means "no one gets left behind. Or forgotten"” This quote from Lilo and Stitch summarizes my family.

    Just thinking about losing my family, for me it’s devastating. I’m terrified of waking up one day and not seeing my family there. I’m use to always being with my family, I’ve grown much attached to everyone. When someone isn’t happy in my family neither am I. I enjoy seeing my family happy. We carry so many memories and make more each and every day. Losing them would be like losing part of me. They made me who I am and are a big part in my life.

My loving father and i. (:

 

no heroes (1984)

         In 1984, a novel written by George Orwell, Winston Smith; the main character is put in the ministry or love. Where ironically he gets tortured and not loved. Smith overhears terrifying stories and fearful conversations about room 101. Smith is desperately hungry and thirsty. Winston see’s the doors open, and O'Brien walks in. Winston thinks O'Brien has also been captured. O'Brien explains that they got him a long time ago...Winston should have known. He shouldn’t deceive himself. He did know it and that he has always known it. The guard hurt Winston’s elbow, as he buckles in pain. Winston realizes that in the face of pain, there are no heroes. Nothing is worse than physical pain.

As the reader one can believe that “in the face of pain, there are no heroes.” Meant that O’Brien was a liar. That not everyone is who they say they are. One should not ever judge a book by its cover and one should not believe everything they are told. Personally, as a reader one may also believe, one likes or enjoys the pain. One enjoys it because one believes it’s deserved, and the fact that one’s putting themselves through pain means they are doing what they want to be done. Ones ability to withstand pain is ones claim to fame, it is self-control.

In Winston’s situation he didn’t break when being tortured. Winston kept his word to Julia until his worst fear came along. Winston was going through a lot and needed a hero; he found O’Brien and thought he had found his hero. But in the face of pain there is no hero. Not everyone is who they say they are.

What is your breaking point? (1984)

         There are those times at which something or someone gives way under strain and those moments of crisis in a situation. These are known as breaking points. In the novel 1984 by George Orwell Winston, the main character sees who he has become. After being tortured in the ministry of love; the reflection of a skinny like, starving, ugly looking man in the mirror in which he looks in makes him realize what he was slowly becoming. The tone of the novel during this part is serious and I found it to also be curious and gloomy or sad. One may find it to be curious because if anyone is anything like me they were thinking how and why did he let himself go. Also gloomy or sad because Smith was not the same person anymore, physically, he looked thinner, old, and gray.

            My breaking point is when I have nothing left to fall back on, when there is literally nothing left I can do. I like to be a positive person or at least I try to be a positive person. All this stay positive stuff usually works out for me, until of course my breaking point comes along. What causes my breaking point you might ask, honestly my breaking point is caused when I stop being positive and start thinking no one cares. My breaking point leaves me in a stressful situation in which I start to think I’m not good enough and worthless. This now I see as silly but when my breaking point comes there is nothing I can do.

            Being in a stressful situation can be well, stressful. I can’t actually feel how Winston is really feeling at this moment, in his breaking point, but I myself have a breaking point and know how it feels to be stressed physically and mentally. Sometimes you have to be strong and go through obstacles. A breaking point is just another obstacle in life you have to overcome. 

War Is Peace (1984)

         War has been used as a distraction everywhere for as long as I can remember. There is always a war or argument going on. In section two chapter nine of 1984 by George Orwell, the main character Winston Smith reads a section “War is Peace”. This section mainly stands out because this is how our society is living now, in the 21^st century. The statement war is peace has multiple meanings, my understanding of based off the book inside the novel is that War is peaceful to those of the party, but not for others. Just as not every war is permanent, neither is peace.

Without a common enemy, people may fall apart and begin in-fighting. This has been seen oftentimes throughout history in many civil wars, including our own. War creates an enemy and a focus to give to a faceless enemy. The only way to secure peace is through war. Whether defending an attack by an enemy or working to eliminate a threat before it occurs, one can find justification in the hostile actions because it is the only true way to secure peace.

War has been going on everywhere for as long as I can remember, the wars here in our society never really end. For example, there were leaders have died in the past and our country still found ways to have war with them. For what? Who knows honestly, I believe our society, as it is now, is very much like “War is peace” in 1984 by George Orwell. War means fighting the opposition in 1984 they are fighting against themselves. War brings people together. A peace that was truly permanent would be the same as a permanent war.

Love is Confusing.. (1984)

        “Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it all over.” Or at least you think you can. Winston, the main character in the novel, 1984 by George Orwell may have feelings for a certain dark-haired girl. He carries mixed feelings which are messing with his head. Winston hates yet loves this dark-haired girl. One can make connections with Winston and how he is currently feeling about the dark-haired female. It is not difficult to make a connection with Winston and his situation he is going through. Winston is confused when the dark-haired girl hands him a note with those written shocking words!

In part one, chapter one, Winston notices this certain dark-haired girl whom he shows hatred towards and makes it obvious he does not like her. He mentioned not liking her because she was young and beautiful. Although Winston shows obvious hate towards her, one could see he loves her and is upset he cannot have her as he pleases. This is shown when Winston dreams about the dark-haired girl and is amazed. This dream showed that Winston shows many sexual and loving feelings towards the dark-haired girl. What confuses Winston the most is the nit the dark-haired girl hand him in part two chapter one in the novel.

Very much like Winston I am currently in a situation almost like his. There’s this guy, whom I have been crushing on since freshmen year. He noticed me last summer; he has the best personality. But of course I believe it’s all too good to be true. I happen to have some problems with one of his best guy friends. What worries me at this point is I cannot tell if their both just making this a game and laughing behind my back while I fall for it. I wouldn’t say I’m inlove with the kid, because I’m not, but I can relate to the confusion Winston is feeling.

The term love is quiet confusing. The comparison made with Winston helps me understand what Winston is going through and how he feels. After making my connection with Winston one can feel how he’s feeling and the tone of the story ant this point. Winston will probably continue to be suspicious of the dark haired- girl working for the paroles, whether she is or not. Hopefully Winston doesn’t fall too fast in love with her.

Desire for sex (1984)

      The natural human desire for sex was made out to be a mundane duty only to assist the Party, which is the government.  People are controlled by a superior being, the Big Brother in the novel 1984, by George Orwell. The goal of the government is to turn the brains of all the citizens into thoughtless working machines. This brainwashing is achieved in many different ways. One of the ways is severely punishing those who oppose the ways of the government. Human desires were revoked as well as their instincts. The main character, Winston, struggles with this human desire. His entire life he has been taught that “sexual intercourse is to be looked on as a slightly disgusting minor operation, like having an enema.” Winston’s desire overcomes he gets married, gets services from a prostitute, and  finds himself thinking about a dark-haired girl.
     Marriages were allowed, but they had  to be officially approved and were to be undertaken for the sole purpose of begetting children who would grow up to be responsible Party members. Permission would be denied if the couple showed any signs of being physically attracted to each other. Winston had been married once, to a woman named Katherine. It had been a party approved marriage but he had soon found life with her impossible. What they had been truly unbearable was the sex. Winston’s wife Katherine disliked sex, and as soon as they realized they would never have children, they separated. 
     His desire overcomes his fears of getting caught by a patrolman and he headed down to the proles to pick up a prostitute. Winston got a prostitute and paid for her services. His encounter with the prostitute also had been a farce as he realized when he saw the female in the light she was aged and wrinkled and he did not feel the slightest attraction for her. But he had sex with her anyway as if it was the inevitable thing to do, for pleasure and satisfaction.
     Winston finds himself thinking about a dark-haired girl whom he hates simply because he wants her but cannot have her. She appears to be on his mind a lot and he thinks about her sexually, which is against the government to do. He longs to have sex, but he fears being caught. The way Winston feels for the dark-haired girl is not acceptable. He wants to have her for himself because he is physically attracted to her. He dreams about her and desires to have her as his owns. Winston longs for something more he knows that there is another reason to sex than just making a baby. He saw it as an expression of love, and even more than that, an act of rebellion.
     The goal of the government was to turn the brains of all the citizens into thoughtless working machines. By brainwashing them in many different ways. Although not a very good job is being made for Winston is very curious and desires much. Winston is rebellious and wants to get what he wants even if it’s unacceptable.

 

i'll blog for food!

LOL! This is exactly how I feel right about now to be honest. It’s midnight; I’m still up because my thoughts just won’t let me sleep. Everyone is asleep, or they’re just all ignoring me. So, why not blog? Today my old crush that I crushed on since I was 7 years old till 14 years old; messaged me saying “what’s up beautiful” I just stared at the message and laughed because well I have my reasons. I don’t really have feelings until 12 am and then i get sad about everything. i wonder if anybody’s actually had feelings for me, like actually got upset or mad over little things i did and got jealous and confused over me and thought about me on a regular basis. i feel like i’m the only person that ever really cares about anyone and that nobody’s ever felt that way for me. I feel really bad for people who are just now trying to get close to me; I push everyone away on purpose and I know I do it. Why get close with them when odds are they’re going to leave anyway? I mean sure not everyone is going to leave, but in my mind there’s no point of risking it. So I push them away, make them leave, make them hate me. And in the end I’m alone with only myself to blame as I watch those I pushed away be happy. I rather others be happy than me. Then again it’s kind of sad when you’re lonely; laying in bed, just thinking and you just like need someone like really bad because it’s so dark and there’s too much space around you and too many thoughts that need to be shared.

 

First time blogging..

This blog was created because it is an assignment for my English II class. We are currently reading the novel 1984 by George Orwell; we are creating our own "diary" as Winston does in the novel. My name is Estrella, I’m 15 and I love life no matter how frustrating and aggravating it can be. I love music, I love everything from classical to rock to R&B to techno to country and everything you hear on a movie soundtrack.  Smiling/giggling is my thing. (Whether it's fake or not.) I'm a wreck honestly, i just don't show it as much. My bestfriend is the most amazing person i know, any lady would be super lucky to even have him find her cute. I've been through alot, judging a book by it's cover is too mainstream, i don't do it. Today was a lazy yet productive day. After school and all that nonsense I moved my computer to my desk and moved my mirror and make up stuff to my vanity. Now I’ll have more room and better lighting. One of my old friends sent me a message today, it’s weird when you start talking to someone you haven’t really talked to in a long time. But I’m glad we’re cool again. I yet to have done homework. Bleh. Well, I’m going to get started on all that now and hopefully my day ends up ending well... I hope this was an okay blog, hopefully my next ones will be better! I’m kind of excited. I’m hoping to use this blog after my grade goes in for it. I might just use it to finally let out all my stories and everything I enjoy to vent on about.   xoxo

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